Thursday

Today I looked through almost 400 job postings. My eyes are bugging out now. I’ve also decided that chatting online is a BIG waste of time, so I’ve eliminated two of my accounts. I guess this is all apart of my recommitment to getting focused and finding my dream job. Tomorrow I'll most likely look through 600 ads, and probably need glasses again by December.

Finding the German Within

My family has always been removed from the idea of staying connected with our family history and culture. In fact, when I was a little boy I remember going to visit my great grandmother and no one understood her when she spoke Dutch. Although I am the 4th generation removed from when my family immigrated to the United States, very little of my family’s heritage and native language still exists. Shouldn’t we be proud of where we come from? Shouldn’t we know our history, so that we can better understand our future? Yes!

In honor of my family legacy and with Oktoberfest upon us, I decided to explore my German/Dutch roots. Maybe learn some German, research my family name, have a wienerschnitzel or two, and definitely plenty of German beer (das ist gut!). Maybe I’ll even put on some Lederhosen and really explore German traditions! Now, do you wear underwear with those or is it like the Scottish?

Ideally a trip to Germany to trace my family history would be great, but for now I’ll settle for the many events that are scheduled in Chicago.

Hit and Scream

Yesterday I was walking to the gym, listening to my iPod, and enjoying what’s left of summer. As I was crossing one of the alleys before Halsted, the sun peeked through the trees and blinded me. The next thing I knew, I hear the screeching sound of tires and people shouting at me. I suddenly turned my head only to find myself in the direct path of a large van screaming to a halt! My heart was pounding, my body braced for what was about to happen, and I felt like a deer caught in headlights. Luckily the van did stop, but barely. In fact, I could feel the heat from the radiator as the van pushed me a few feet. Patrons sitting outside at a nearby restaurant all sat up, and I even heard one woman belt out “oh my god!” For that split second everything seemed irrelevant.

The driver, an older Asian man, quickly shifted from a look of concern to anger. He immediately started yelling at me and telling me to “watch where you go” followed by some words in his native language—I’m sure it wasn’t teen princess language. Although in shock, I walked around the van and I gave the driver an evil look. While waving his fist and adding additional insults he sped off. Did he even think twice that he potentially could have put me in the hospital? Did he care?

Although I wasn’t physically injured, the experience shook me up and help put my life a little more into perspective. I began to think about my family, friends, past loves, my career, and ultimately my death. I pondered what people might say about me at my funeral. Would they say “oh that Troy was a great guy, and a hard worker” or “Troy lived life to the fullest”? Who would come? Would it be religious despite my beliefs? Would there be punch and cake? Would I be buried next to my grandparents? Would I be missed?

I don’t know when the end will come for me, but I decided that from this day forward I stand recommitted to fulfilling my goals, finding a balance, and ultimately living life without fear of a broken heart or failure (well, as much as possible). Life is too short!!

Thank you little screaming Asian man!

Good eats!

When I was little kid one of my favorite things to eat was macaroni-n-cheese. It was cheesy, easy to make, and just dang good! Little did I know that when I got older it would be a source of cheap eats.

A couple of years ago my roommate made a pack of mac-n-cheese, but then put ketchup on it. I was grossed out at first, until I tried it. Wow, it was pretty good. I was instantly hooked!

I hadn’t had macaroni-n-cheese with ketchup on it since I lived with him, which was also the time when I experience my first layoff. Today, I decided to take a trip down memory lane and revisit my old roommate’s odd ball creation that I grew to love. Enter Kraft Macaroni-n-cheese with Heinz ketchup. Yum!

Shake it, Shake it!

This is some funny shizit!
http://disney.go.com/disneypictures/chickenlittle/
(click on "Make Chicken Dance")

My favorite is "Running Man"

Black Monday

Earlier today I was called to the side of a very close friend. After an hour of encouraging him to hold on and watching him struggle with life, I was forced to face the inevitable. Then it happened, and with great sadness I said my final farewell at 7:14am as he slipped away . Immediately following I sat there in shock--humbled by what I witnessed and what it meant for my future.

We use to be the best of buds and spent hours together just hanging out, looking at stuff on the Internet, playing games, listening to music, and chatting with mutual friends. He saw it all, the good, bad, and everything in between. He never complained when I bitched, never judged me, and always was there when I needed him.

Although sudden, his death does not come as a surprise. I’ve known for months that he wasn’t doing well but there was little I could do. However, in the wake of his death I scramble to put back the pieces of his existence. And the timing couldn’t be worse, as his passing comes at a very sensitive time in my life. I relied so much on him, he was my everything, and now he’s gone.

I don't know if I'll ever be able to replace the contents of his inner drive, but I will continue on in his memory. I will rebuild from this loss, someday, somehow.

Thank you old friend for everything you did for me. You will be greatly missed!

Dell
Mgf: October 10, 1998
Died: September 12, 2005


On remote from Screenz (Internet Cafe)

Crónicas del vómito

In a small theater with less than a half dozen people loosely surrounding me, I sat down alone to watch ‘Crónicas’. The film is about a Miami reporter sent to Ecuador to cover a child serial killer story. The plot focuses mostly around the relationship between the reporter and an imprisoned man with a dark secret, with some miscellaneous side stories happening.

Aside from seeing John Leguizamo’s butt and picking up some new Spanish swear words, the movie was predictable and had little suspense. Still I enjoyed the film. However, it wasn’t until the near end that my attention got spiked and fait dished up what I was waiting to hear, but only in a place/time when I least expected. My awareness was enhanced at the very moment I heard it said, and it in a weird sort of way I understood what the character was saying before I saw the subtitles that read…

“sometimes we’re not to understand why things happen”

As silly as it sounds, this line had a dramatic impact on me, and for that moment I lost my breathe, my heart sank, and I felt paralyzed. Was I having a moment of clarity, an epiphany of sorts, and maybe not think about stuff too much—just let it flow? As an information specialist it was my responsibility to understand the in’s and out’s of everything revolving my position. I could never accept not having the answer or finding it, but have I become too engrossed in my own search for knowledge that my mind has become clouded with useless data? Maybe we’re not suppose to understand how certain things work, why people make decisions we don’t agree with, or why bad things happen in our life.

Before I left the theater I stopped to use the restroom, and as I put my hand on the door handle I noticed something mushy. I opened the door only to find myself standing in vomit…ick! I cleaned up and then left quickly.

I walked down Clark on my way home and thought about the movie, the vomit, and how it all related to my life. Why can’t some life events be more like the vomit on my hands? Wash it off, move on, and don’t try to understand why it happened—only that it did.

tagged

7 things I plan to do before I die
-skydive
-go back to europe
-learn two languages
-make a million dollars
-be a character on a TV show
-go into space
-produce my own CD or book

7 things I can do
-fold 1,000 paper cranes
-design
-listen without judgement
-assemble furniture without instructions
-run a marathon
-vogue
-bench press 165lb

7 things I can't do
-sing
-speak spanish
-spell
-cook anything other than microwave food
-play golf
-go to the beach without swimming
-play tennis

7 things that attract me to the same or opposite sex
-someone who knows how to laugh and be serious
-integrity
-charisma
-someone that can sing or play an instrument
-confidence without arrogance
-healthy
-open minded

7 things that I say most often
-awesome
-excellent
-sweet!
-doh!
-dude
-interesting
-that sucks

7 celebrity crushes
-Tom Brady
- Ashton Kutcher
- Prince William
- toby mcguire
-tom welling
-david beckham
-Sebastian Kehl (updated)

7 people I want to do this too
-Mike
-Heather
-Ben
-Jeremy
-Josh/Adrew
-jeff
-stan

The Replacement

Out of curiosity I decided to visit the website I use to manage. I noticed some changes, and looked at the staff listing. The last time I checked they still hadn’t found my replacement, until today. There it was-- a new name where mine use to be. Ouch!

I always thought that I was irreplaceable because I did so much for the organization and they valued my expertise. I never imagined that they would want to go in a different direction. Was I blind or just waiting for it to happen? I’m not sure, but seeing my replacement listed there for the first time stung a little. I won’t lie. I wanted them to struggle to find someone new, but really who am I kidding? In the end it doesn't matter, I’ll find something better, and at this point I can only wish them the best of luck. Still there’s a small part of me that wishes that the guy has an undisclosed flatulence problem.

Never Pass-up Opportunity: Big or Small

The other day I was returning from my audition for the reality show, and as I was walking back to the EL I noticed a nickel on the ground. I saw it laying there and immediately thought “oh, it’s just a nickel” and kept walking. About ten feet into my stride, I stopped and pondered ‘What if that shiny five cent piece was the beginning of my future fortune, and I just passed it up.” I immediately ran back and grabbed it.

Are we so programmed to want bigger and better, that we pass up those smaller things that may lead to something greater and more meaningful? Yesterday my luck changed, and I almost mistook it as trivial. To me, finding that nickel was symbolic of something more than monetary value, it was a sign of my fortune changing.