Girls Gone Gay Wild

Lately there seems to be an influx of screaming straight women hanging out in the Boystown bars. It’s these women and the gay boys who funnel them into the gay distract that we must address.

However, before we sink our teeth into these lovely ladies and their enablers, we need to define who they are and how they differ from the cool women. Although many would term these gals as the usual ‘fag-hags’, the nickname is just a generalization for the straight world. In fact there is a hierarchy of these women, and the term ‘fag-hag’ is merely a part of a sub-category of women who prefer hanging out with gay men. Whether or not your gal pal fits into one of these categories, there is a noticeable difference in personalities between the hierarchy tiers of these women that you’ll see stumbling around Boystown.

Fairy Princess
This type of girl is at the top of the gay gal pal hierarchy. Typically she can be described as being young(er), very cute, fashionable, super chill, witty, a tad sassy, and has razor sharp gaydar. She’ll always have your back, but often will try to hook you up and return to the dance floor. Don’t be fouled, although she may prefer hanging out in the gay scene, she’s a master of both gay and straight worlds. Think Karen Walker (Will&Grace).

Fag-Hag
Although a fag-hag is very similar to a Princess there are slight, but noticeable, differences. The term is a broader term that describes a type of girl who just don’t fit into the Fairy Princess category. Generally a fag-hag requires more attention then a Fairy Princess, and usually will get upset if you were to leave her at the club/bar. Even though she’s completely cool with the gay scene she more times than none just doesn’t relate to hetero world. Think Grace Adler (Will&Grace)

Fruit Fly
Boys, watch out for your penis! Contrary to a Princess or Hag this type of girl is holding out for the slim chance that the gay thing is just a phase. She’ll often get jealous of boys showing interest and will get upset if you leave her alone for more than 5 minutes. Many may argue that she’s the equivalence of hag, but this is simply not true. It’s all in the name, and a fruit fly can typically be spotted as the girl is very needed of her gay ‘boyfriend’ almost to the point of being annoying (like a fly). Be careful with this one, no need to break any hearts. Think Ricki Lake

The Trixie
She’s the Fairy Princess’ evil step-sister! Loud, often obnoxious, often looks very out of her element, and is only hanging out with you because she thinks it’s cool to have a token gay friend. Out of all the categories she’s the least stable and can go from extremely fun and friendly to super bitch in the blink of the eye. Gay or straight these girls are often looked as the pretty bitches everyone can’t stand, but instead we’ll just give them the gay death glare.

It’s these Trixies that seem to be causing all the raucous in the gayberhoood. Seriousily who are these girls that buddy-up with gay boys, and think they’ve been given license to go completely ape shit throughout Boystown. Haven’t seen them? They can be easily spotted by just watching the bartenders or staff cringe as these ladies enter the bar/club, the girls are usually in their early 20’s, giving sass to the bartenders, obnoxiously yelling, a part of a bacherlorette party (which is yet another way to remind us that gay’s can’t legally get married), getting plastered off Zinfandel, and has the newbie glow (similar to your cat when she’s in heart).

This is a call to all the gay boys who bring their girly girls to the bar/club. Make sure your lady friends understand some basic things before venture inside... 1) It's a gay bar and not a straight one with a bunch of queers, 2) cool it on the unnecessary screaming or yelling, 3) drop the attitude, you're on gay turf and we’re really not interested in your equipment, 4) no more than two gal pals per gay boy. Remember these simple guidelines and this really will be a gay world!

The Laid Report

Too most people it isn’t any surprise that Rumsfeld resigned shortly after the elections last week! Nor do I think anyone really believes that he left on his own, and that his departure was the first wave of change in Washington. However, being that I too was recently laid off I have to wonder what Rumsfeld’s severance package looked like. I bet he got to keep his camouflage 3-piece Armoni suit.


Do you think he’ll be collecting unemployment?

Chicago's Gay Cheers

Sometimes you just want some place where everyone knows your name, and taking a break from all your worries. Well, in Chicago’s Boystown there is such a place for me, and it’s called Roscoe’s Tavern. Aside from being one of Chicago’s more popular bars on Halsted, it’s conveniently located steps away from my apartment.

For my group of friends it’s out ‘tree house’, which is appropriately named for the common meeting ground where the boys’ hangout and no girls are allowed (well, maybe a few). It’s the type of place I can go alone and almost always guaranteed to run into friends, and if I’m lucky my favorite bartender Joey is on duty. Not only is he one of the cutest guys in Boystown, he’s also super sweet guy that always remembers what I’m drinking and often is getting it ready as I wait in line. Joey is by far one of the best bartenders in B-Town, which is made clear by the sheer fact that you can typically find his line is 4-5 thick while other stations are empty. Roscoe’s wouldn’t be Roscoe’s without Joey!

Besides being the home of my favorite bartender, Roscoe’s has a very welcoming feel to it, and its easy to feel right at home. It’s the destination of choice for my buds, a place where we can talk about the daily grind, have a good laugh, a place where we can be ourselves without persecution about being gay, and just forget about life for a little bit.

Roscoe’s to me is the gay version of Cheers.